I start with leaving my expertise at the door
One of the first things I learned when I started training as a coach is that we coach the client and not the problem. I know this may shock you, but essentially I don't need to work in your industry in order to coach you. We don't need to be the same age. I don't need to understand everything about your background. I don’t need context on the problem you’ll bring me on day one. What I need, and what I bring, is the quality of my attention. My training gives me instinct, structure, and tools. And I resource myself before I show up for you.
I leave my expertise, and I bring my full self. My goal is to be as present as possible. To notice what comes up in me as a reaction to what you're going to be saying. I follow my instinct and my training hand in hand. Notice that training and expertise are not the same things.
The goal is to ask you the next best question. Notice when something feels wrong, note it. Ask you to inform or confirm whether I'm making a mistake in the distinctions I'm making. Suggest tools as I notice your energy shift with the questions. Occasionally push back when I find something feels off.
I will meet you with this deep attention, without my industry know-how. So don't expect a lecture. If you want to hear me talk, come to my salons, sign up to one of my workshops — there you'll hear me talk a lot. And I'll give you a lot of resources. I am full of resources. I love them. That's why I'm still a brand consultant. But that's not what coaching is.
In the coaching room, you will mostly hear yourself. That’s where the magic is.
What presence means
Presence means attention. And the quality of my attention is defined by multi-layered listening. I will be listening with my eyes as much as with my ears and to an extent, with my nervous system. I'll be watching where you lay your gaze, your capacity or inability to concentrate, your willingness or unwillingness to answer certain questions.
That’s one of the reasons I record our sessions, so that I don’t need to take too many notes (though I like to jot things down on paper), so I can keep track of what your body will tell me.
I invite a lot of eyes-closed moments — not meditations. With these, I’ll follow along in my imagination. And then there’s this, which is harder to explain: I listen to the images that come up in my mind. I will voice them when appropriate. That's the most instinctual part of the process, as it's non-verbal as it comes up inside of me. It is not analysis. It is not projection. It is a form of attunement, a somatic empathy that, in my experience, shows up even across a screen.
Lastly, note that I am not watching you to catch you out. I am watching because this is what full presence looks like. And full attuned presence is the very thing I have to offer that a book, a course, or a framework cannot.
How each session is held — the TOSS method
Every session begins with what I call the TOSS method. You choose the Topic. We name the Objective together. You tell me the Significance of working on this today — why this, why now. And we explore what Success would feel like for you by the end of our session. That becomes our contract for the hour.
At the end, we return to it: did we get there? If the session took us somewhere unexpected, and sometimes it should, we name that too. I will check in mid-session if I notice we have moved away from where we started: it feels like we've shifted direction. What feels most alive for you right now? Do we follow this or go back? Either is fine. But we choose consciously, and we note what it means for what we set out to do. This is how every session can feel complete in itself. not a fragment of something larger, but a whole thing, measured against your own definition of progress.
What I will and won't do — a partnership
We will be partners. I will let you know what tools I have available. You'll then tell me what you think you want to try. I will not be imposing anything on you.
Depending on what the objectives are, and if we agree that some sit outside of the coaching sphere — specifically more on the branding and communications work — then I will tell you: hey, this is evoking something for me. Would you like me to share my point of view or some resources? And you'll get to choose whether you want to access this other sphere of my work.
I never front-load resources and consulting advice in a session. The role of the coach is not to be the light, but to be the mirror. I don't want you to look at me. I want you to be able to access yourself — your knowledge, your wisdom, your felt sense. My goal is to help all of the goodness that you need emerge from within you.
My belief is that we all have everything we need within us. But most of us — myself included — need someone. A conduit. A supporter. Someone who holds space. Even in the simple fact that most of us will not take an hour to sit down and work on a problem in our lives. That's one of the reasons why you're paying for coaching: to make time and to show up for that thing that you want. Yes, you are also paying for the structure, the person who is fully there, with tools.
And one of the most magic moments of a coaching session is when I mirror back what I heard you tell me. You'll hear your words, from outside of you. That perspective is often a game changer and one of the magic moments of the coaching process.
On pushing back — and when I will
I will occasionally push back, but only when something feels off. Not as a technique. Not because I think I know better. But because I am following my intuition, and ignoring it would be a failure of presence. Also because I know what it feels like when something’s off inside of me. It might be a word you keep using that doesn't quite match your energy. It might be a pattern I notice in how you are circling the same place. When that happens, I will do my best to name what I’m sensing.
I’ll venture out with this and you’ll tell me if there’s indeed something underneath that needs our attention. My stance is one of kindness and empathy, so the point is to help surface what needs to come up, despite the potential discomfort.
What I can and cannot promise
As a coach, I can't make many promises.
I can't promise you that you're going to get to where you want to be.
Because I can't guess what state you'll be in, how much work you're going to want to put in, and what's gonna be happening around your life. And the reason why I can say this is, I’ve done it myself. The coaching one on one, the certifications, several long courses, year-long ones, where I met with the same peers every week. And in many of the better courses, you know, they sit you down, you start with clarifying your objectives, you maybe announce a project that you'll deliver by the end.
But very often, six months in, you realise that the plans have derailed, because as Anne Lamott likes to call it, you just slipped on a cosmic banana peel. Real big things we cannot predict may happen.
I’ll repeat it. The tough thing about coaching is, I can't promise you that you're going to find yourself exactly where you want to be. I don’t know what will happen in your life.
What I can promise you is that if you show up to every session with an open mind, with a willingness to listen to yourself, to trust the process, good things will happen.
What I can promise you is that I’ll be a steady partner to help you work through whatever arises.
What I can promise you is that openness, commitment, a kind and compassionate stance toward yourself, even when things are not easy, are the traits that will smooth the path for you.
And it may not get you where you thought you needed to be, but you'll get to where you are ready to get to.
A word about my blind spots
Like you and everyone else on this planet, I will have some blind spots. There will be moments where your cultural context, your lived experience, or specific life circumstances are not going to register with me because of who I am and my own life experiences. I will let you know when I notice that there is something I'm missing.
This is where the term partnership becomes so important. I will need you to tell me if/when you notice something first. That’s not a failure of the coaching process, it’s the coaching relationship working as it should, with both of us accountable to the experience of what happens between us.
And if the gap feels too wide, if what you need is someone who has lived your specific experience, I will tell you honestly. And if need be, I’ll be happy to assist you in finding the right person.
Who I am for — and who I am not
I am not for everyone. But the people I am for — I am really it for them.
Much of our lives, we think we make rational decisions, from that gorgeous pre-frontal cortex brain of ours. But the reality, which science has clearly demonstrated, is that we make decisions based on a feeling.
If you’ve read all the way down to this section, I’d wager you are feeling your way toward a decision to work with me.
If you feel I am the right coach for you, the likelihood is that I am. I’m not here to support just anybody.
If you feel like you want to make meaning from your experience, connect the dots of the path, find a clearer story, and a connection to your unique voice, I’m likely the coach for you.
If you are interested in contemplative practices, in accessing your inner wisdom, in learning to deepen your trust in yourself. Yes, it’s likely we’ll be a right fit.
If you feel like there is a greater calling bubbling beneath the surface, whether it’s clear or not, spoken or unspoken, and you’d like a partner to help you bring it to the surface, again, we’re probably a match.
It’s funny, this coaching thing. The first time I came across something similar was when I was reading about Socrates and his disciples. I was 16. He was said to help birth the wisdom inside them. I remember an image coming up in my mind, simple, a fire pit, an old man with a beard, a few people sitting on the ground. White togas. Huh. Sounds interesting.
I’ve heard one of my teacher’s say that the Buddha was the original coach. I'd debate this, they were near contemporaries born on opposite sides of the world within a generation of each other. But if we're talking about the method of drawing wisdom out through questioning, Socrates has a particular claim.
And as someone who is actively studying philosophy and the dharma on the side of her coaching practice, I’d say I humbly follow in their footsteps.
You’ve got everything inside of you. I’m just there to help you access the gold within.